And I...I....will always love you...

Most children look forward to Christmas or Birthdays - opportunities to get presents.
When I was a 9-year old kid, it was always about Valentine's Day. If my life was a Rocky movie, Valentine's Day would be the big fight at the end of the movie against a steroid-pumped, muscle-ripped, Russian where I was the underdog not expected to win, who who was ready to take whatever blows V-day gave me and come back for more. All the training, all the hours in my room writing songs or poems were setting me up for that day on the big stage with the whole world looking on where I could declare with passion that I loved a woman... Well, not exactly. More like the day that I was in front of some 9-year old girl who had no idea what I felt, sweating like crazy in my incredibly itchy school uniform, staring at my impeccably tied shoelaces, praying that the words that came out my mouth were actual words..and preferably ones that wouldn't make me want to skip this birth and be reincarnated instantly. Oh and when I said the whole world watching, I meant my mom...

All the marketing behind Valentine's Day creates a lot of hype. But, none of it was bigger than the hype in my head. I was made for this day. Most guys I know don't have many ideas for Valentine's Day. At nine, I had way too many!

The girl that I liked was named Anushka (at least that's the name I am giving her to prevent my friends scrolling through my list of friends on Facebook after reading this). She was my best friend's sister and she was the most beautiful woman on the planet. Of course, she had no clue that I liked her.

I had seen her from afar. Actually, I was in the same room as her at her birthday party, but it felt like there was she was in a galaxy far far and away...She was surrounded by her group of girlfriends singing Whitney Houston's "One Moment In Time" in perfect unison and I...was standing by the toilet, alone, staring at her, mezmorized by her smile as she sang in slow motion:

"Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel et-er-nity"

I was in love. I had to talk to her. I wanted to talk to her,
but on that day I did nothing. I didn't end up feeling "et-er-nity."
Only "stu-pid-ity."

But, Valentine's Day rolled around and I decided enough was enough, it was time to step up as a man, declare my eternal love for her (or at least say "My parents are taking my friends and I to Pizza Express. Want to join?").

So I reviewed my options. I could have got hired Tom Cruise and the fighter pilots in Top Gun to write her name in the sky, I could have called up the band known as Boyz II Men and asked them to back me up in "I'll make love to you" or I could do what I ended up doing - writing her a card.

But this was no ordinary card. No. I purposely chose a blank one, so that I could create something unique, something special, something she would never forget.
Well, I achieved that.

The card read:

Dear Anushka,

Happy Valentine's Day!

You are the most beautiful girl in the world.

I love you.

Love,

?

I didn't want her to know it was me, but I wanted her to know it was me. So, I decided to give her a hint. I lived in Belgrave Square in London. So, I added:

PS. I live in a square in London where the first part of the name is something you ring on Sundays. The second part of the name is where people die.

That's right! I wrote "a place where people die" in a Valentine's Day card!!!!
That was my master plan! And so I sent what I thought was a Shakespearean Sonnet..

Well, weeks went by and nothing...Didn't hear from her. My friend wasn't sure if she got the card or not. I was ready to give up hope until one day when I was at my buddy's house playing Mike Tyson's Punch Out on his brand new Nintendo.
After having my ass kicked again, I decided to use the bathroom (which was outside her bedroom). I charged for the toilet praying that I would avoid all social interaction, but as I flung open the scared doors to freedom, I heard her say something that I have remembered for the rest of my life - "Hey."

"Oh hey", I calmly responded.

"So I got your card."

"Oh really? My card?"

In my head, I am thinking - "How did she know? I was so foxy!"

"Yes. The one you sent for Valentine's Day."

I don't know if it's possible for an Indian boy to actually go red, but I went purple!

My incredible urge to pee before my bladder burst was not nearly as painful that awkward silence that I initiated. But, then Whitney's words "all of my dreams are a heartbeat away and the answers are all up to me" echoed in my heart. I felt a sudden surge of confidence, the same strength that Simba had in the Lion King to climb Pride Rock and reclaim his kingdom. This was my time! My time! The answers are up to me!

"Oh...that card." I coyly replied.

"It was sweet! Thank you."

And she kissed me on the cheek. Smiled. And disappeared into her room.

No moment brought me more joy in my nine years of existence than that moment.
I was in such a state of Nirvana that I don't recall ever going to pee.
I had waited all year for this moment...and I could feel, I could feel..."et-er-nity"
I loved Anushka and she didn't resent me!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope this day is not just a day that you share your love with your love, but is a reminder that the moment in time to express how you really feel is available to you every second of every day this year...and so is the courage to take it.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu

Thank you Whitney Houston for transforming my life and my ability to express how I feel through your message and your music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYFHAvULvJ0


♥

Love and Laughter,

Anand

Ana-nd Hazare?:)

"Ana Hazare...that's so cool that you have a woman fighting for corruption...She's like Sarah Palin...only Indian."

I sat in the lobby of NBC, staring in awe at the inspired insight of a blonde young lady named Brittany.

Forget the fact that Ana is a 74 year old Indian man, that he is the leader of the ANTI-corruption movement in India, but Sarah Palin? Really?!

We do have a woman running the country, but she is more Hilary than Palin. You may have heard of her? She shares the last name with some dude named Mahatma Gandhi (hint: her last name is Gandhi).

And like Ana, I share a deep respect and love for that "dude" and his message. When I was my 12, my parents dad asked me "when you are older, you can be anything you want - lawyer or doctor?" I responded "Gandhi."

"Lawyer! Perfect" responded by parents.

But, that didn't stop me. I loved Gandhi so much, I also fasted...for about eight hours. OK, that's called "sleep"....but I would have done it for longer if I didn't have to wake up for school!

And I would have shaved my head, given up my designer Western clothes and totally worn an over-sized adult-diaper...but I also wanted to be cool, have friends and not be the poster-child for "the wedgie."

But, the truth is, standing up against corruption is not about looking like Gandhi and wearing "The Gandhi cap" (available for $10.00 at anti-corruption.com or $20.00 in the black market), it's about having the courage to stand up for Truth, to be united and to demand higher standards for ourselves and our country.

Ana Hazare is here to remind us of what we already know, to remind us of a message we have already heard...

And it's on us to take actions, to live the message and not stare at the same situation 50 years from now and remember some "dude" named Ana...

When is NOW the right time to take action? :)

Breaking into Comedy in Mumbai!

When I started doing stand-up over a decade ago, there was only one other Indian I knew in the United States who was crazy enough to want to make telling jokes a job, let alone a career.

I later learned that besides this girl and me, there were a few other brothers and sisters doing this dubious activity in Canada and Britain -- one of whom was a Canuck whose last name is Peters.

We were a rare breed.

In those days, a funny Indian was like a sober Irishman, a humble Frenchman or a slightly optimistic Englishman.

Most kids in the world were asked the question, “What do you want to be when you are older?”

Indians abroad were asked “What type of doctor will you be when you are older?”

So, to go to Indian weddings and parties and openly tell people you were a comedian would either result in a dumbfounded look, a demand for a joke on the spot (for free of course) or a Delhi auntie favorite: "Are you gay?"

Nowadays, being a comedian is like being Indian in today’s global economy -- it’s cool and everyone wants to be your friend.

When I perform at The Comedy Store in Mumbai, I meet so many local people who tell me that they want to be a comedian or that they are a comedian. These are usually intoxicated uncles who try to persuade me that a joke about farting that they once mentioned at their cousin-in-law’s wedding 20 years ago is comedy gold, and that I would be insane if I didn’t use it.

Because the comedy scene is so young in India, I believe it is easy to break into the comedy circuit, to get stage time, but the question is -- what are you going to do with it?

A lot of wannabes that I watch and meet at open mikes want to be famous, but what they forget is that stand-up is not about telling jokes -- it is a craft, and it takes time to hone.

There are few cases like a guy I had the honor of performing with, Sacha Baron Cohen (Ali G and Borat) who did his first gig and then got a TV show.

People don’t realize that when Russell Peters' first YouTube clip became a hit, he had been doing stand-up for years (and had the lack of hair to prove it).

When I started my career in New York, I used to fight to get time and usually that slot was as comedian No. 60 at 3 a.m. in front of three drunk dudes who were barely conscious.

Those are the gigs that every comedian needs. Because those are the gigs where you have to go off script, where you find you and what you really want to say.

Before I toured with Russell, I remember doing a Diwali show with him in London and him taking me aside and saying, “Write jokes that are truthful.”

Now, I find myself passing on that same advice to up-and-coming comedians in Mumbai.

Don’t go for jokes that are easy, don’t take for granted the stage time you are getting. Don’t be afraid of falling flat on your face.

Because, as the comedy scene gets more mature and there are more venues for stand-up, the audience will get more jaded (like they are in most clubs in New York and Los Angeles) and demand higher standards. The comedians who last are the ones who never settled.

Because if you are serious about being a comedian (and don’t have the blessing of knowing or being related to uncles who are masters of jokes on flatulence), then it’s not about breaking into the scene, it’s about breaking the mold of what it means to be a comedian.

Youth violence in London and all over the UK!

I have watched the news and have seen the ferocity of the attacks led by youth in London and my heart and prayers go out to the people families, business owners who have been affected by this insanity.

The acts that have been committed are criminal and justice should prevail. In particular, parents of the youth that have acted in such a way need to step up and own more responsibility. But, I strongly believe that killing these kids is not the answer! I believe a dude named Gandhi said something about "an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind."

And I do believe, in the interest of long-term change, that youth should not be be scapegoats for underlying dis-ease and challenges in our society. This is precisely the time where we need to look for and treat the cause, not the symptom. Systems, resources need to be in place so the youth in this country are given the voice they desire and deserve and also given the tools and guidance they need to be the leaders we need them to be.

In fact, I have been inspired and impressed by the youth that have stepped up to help their communities during these challenging times. For those who have been negative about the youth in this country, who have stopped believing in the youth in this country, wake up! The majority of the youth are either scared or are taking action to clean up and rebuild communities. Do not label the majority for the insanity and mis-guided actions of the minority.

When I think of the youth in this country, the words of Mahatma Gandhi come to mind, "do not give up on the ocean of humanity - even if a few drops are dirty, the ocean remains pure."

The youth are not the future, they are the present. And the time for them to lead is NOW.

The power of Tom and Jerry!

Have any of you had the pleasure, the sheer joy of being stuck in an elevator (or lift from my British friends)? I recently had that honor.

After a work out at the gym at Carlton Tower Hotel in London, I put on the 25 layers of clothing that are required to deal with the ridiculously cold winter in this country and rushed to catch a movie. I jumped in the elevator and was delighted to see that the button "G" had already been pressed and that I didn't have to go through the incredible inconvenience and extraordinary effort of extending my index finger and touching it. There were three kids (between 5 and 8 years) in the elevator with me and they were expecting what most of us expect when we get in elevators, a few seconds of awkward eye contact, a few seconds of pretending that we didn't make awkward eye contact, the occasional snippet of polite, but insincere conversation with people we will never see again and then...freedom. Well, that didn't happen.

BANG!

The elevator stopped. The kids looked at me for guidance, for strength, for leadership. And I...looked right back at them. However, sensing the impending panic that was about to unleash itself in a tiny space, I did what every other responsible adults would do - bang on every button and expect something to happen!
Well, something did happen - the air-conditioning shut off, a siren blasted and a robotic voice repeatedly yelled "Emergency! Emergency!"

Sensing that the kids were about lose control of their bodily functions any second, I gave them a reassuring look, Bruce Willisesque glance from the 80's/90's that said everything was going to be OK.

They saw through me quicker than the entire planet saw through Tiger Woods'"my wife was trying to save me" story! Fortunately, before the dam of tears and urine broke, we heard:

"Are you stuck?"

"Hell yeah! Help us!

An hour later...we will still there! And then the gods smiled down on us, the TV screen flickered and on came...Tom and Jerry!

I laughed.

The kids laughed!

And what started was a symphony of laughter! Each of us cracking up, high-fiving each other! When they finally did open the door...we had be dragged out of the elevator, kicking and screaming! OK, I had to be dragged! I couldn't leave without the satisfaction of knowing that Jerry had once again escaped Tom's clutches!

Amazing what happens when we tap into the part of ourselves that is childlike :)

Katta rahmat, (thank you) Facebook!

Have you ever wondered if Facebook could save a person's life? Well, after a recent experience, my answer is a definitive YES!
It was a cold, freezing day in LA....and by freezing I mean 90°F!
I was at a cafe in LA writing the LOL book and had my British passport with me having just come back from Hong Kong with the small, but very important government document. Or so I thought!

When I got home, I logged on to Facebook only to see a message in my inbox titled "passport."
I opened the mail only to read the words "I have yours." I immediately checked my pockets and to my utter surprise and horror, my passport was missing! I freaked out! I needed my passport! I couldn't leave the country without it. An important factor considering I was traveling in less than two days! I immediately sent a message back to the man who had my "get out of America" card.
I asked for his number and gave him mine praying he would respond. I waited anxiously. Nothing. Finally, after forty-five minutes of pure, unfiltered hell, I got a call from a guy with a strange accent that sounded like a mixture of Middle Eastern, Mexican and Swedish! But, yet his name was Johnny. I could barely understand what the man who may have been related to Chewbacca was saying, but that didn't stop me from furiously scribbling down what I thought was his address.

An hour later, I was alone on a street with no lights and no name desperately calling Johnny. But, I kept getting Johnny's voice mail (at least I think it was Johnny's voice mail - he must have recorded his message in a dentist's chair). Finally, I get a call from an unknown number and to my sheer delight it was Johnny. All I could hear him say was "back up! back up." So I did....Finally, I heard a loud "STOP!" I looked out of the window and saw two huge men waving frenetically at me, screaming! I couldn't make out what he was saying, but my guess is it wasn't "hi."

Turns out he was a cheerful, bubbly 40-something guy with a still ambiguous origin and geographically untraceable accent. And turns out the other man was actually his wife (or girlfriend), Janet. She was equally friendly and equally threatening. I kept scanning their hands for something that resembled my passport, but nothing.
That's it. I was done. But before I prepared myself to become their manservant, Johnny yelled "I love your movies! You are famous aren't you?"

My thoughts immediately went to "deny anything he asks and avoid blackmail", but instead I sheepishly grinned and uttered "Well, I've been on TV a few times....and done some movies."

"Yes, we loved you as an Uzbek Rapper and terrorist - so realistic!"

The need in me to yell a "how the hell do you know?" swiftly became replaced with an incredibly awkward and goofy grin on my face that would make Mr. Bean look like James Bond!

"We have subscribed for all your movies on Youtube." clamored Janet in what I thought was a Russian-Japanese accent.

Before, I could thank her for being my stalker, Johnny jumped in...

"We found your passport in the cafe, but couldn't find you. So, we looked to find a number and called it. Some woman with a confusing accent picked up and yelled at us for waking her up at 3 in the morning. Before we could finish our sentence, she slammed the phone on us."

That woman was my mother. Thanks, mom. Love you.

"And so we looked around for you on Google", Johnny continued.
"And we couldn't find your number, but we did enjoy your videos."

"Loved your videos. Especially the Uzbek rapper/terrorist - so realistic!' Janet enthusiastically joined in!



"And then it hit us, Johnny continued.
"What if he is on Facebook?"
"And so we contacted you."

Wow. They were so committed to getting me my passport that they tracked me down on Facebook. And they weren't members of Facebook!
They joined Facebook just to give me back my passport!
They had one friend on Facebook! Me!

When Johnny and Janet finally gave me my passport, I offered them money or tickets to the Comedy Store, but they didn't want it. They just wanted me to sign an autograph
in Uzbek (thank God my English scrawl looks Uzbek).

Besides being thrilled that I had regained my power to land on or leave US soil, I was deeply touched by two people who made such a huge effort to find me and give me my possession.

How many people would be too in love with their crackberry to even notice a passport lying around?
How many people would have turned the passport in and then left the cafe to deal with it?
How many people would have given up when the woman who brought me into this world yelled at them?

Not Johnny and Janet. Their kindness not only reaffirmed my faith in the good in people, but also inspired me to realize that even though the news focuses on the weaknesses or tragedies of humanity, our ability to care, our ability to be humane is what truly makes us human.

We all want to be inspired, but we don't need to look anywhere other than the '"spirit" inside of us - the spirit of caring, the spirit of compassion.

Johnny and Janet are truly inspirational.

Johnny and Janet are my friends on Facebook.

Love and Laughter,

Anand

The S-word!

Hi guys! Now that the website is up (check it out - www.lolworld.net), I am going to be using this blog to share my experiences on the road.

In our workshops, I meet a lot of stressed people, but no one was more stressed than a 5-year old boy in Hong Kong that I recently coached. It was 9am and he was on his third Frappuccino. His schedule was intense- Mandarin class to Tennis class to Kumon to Soccer practice to Piano lesson to doing his homework to grabbing a quick bite, to kissing his secretary/mom goodnight, to finally, passing out...only to repeat the same schedule the next day! Next to him, I felt like the biggest loser!

With that schedule, it’s no wonder so many kids are stressed. Most of them are tired and get so little time to play and just be a kid. We want our children to excel academically, but at what cost?

What kids need, what we all need, what we all deserve is time to just be, time to laugh and share that gift with others!

What was great about the 5-year old kid was that after a few minutes of working with him, the little boy became a little boy again. He was jumping around, making monkey noises, growling like a tiger, laughing hysterically! He wasn't worried about where he needed to be next. He was in the moment. And what's more - he was enjoying it!

And from what I heard recently, not only is he happier, but he is even doing better in school.

Let's let kids be kids. Not only will they be happier, but their joy and spontaneity with spread to us! Or as Whitney Houston puts it in her heart-warming hit single, "The Greatest Love of All", "let the children's laughter remind of us how we used to be."

If you want to relieve stress, check out this video for some tools or just model kids!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZAPW9w6-us

Enjoy...and we'll connect in the next day or so!

Love and Laughter,

Anand